As you may have guessed I've finally arrived. It's my first night here. I am sitting at an oak desk with a medium golden finish, across from my twin. As I look in the mirror at my oddly shaped eyes I can't help but think of our first assignment; the dreaded self portrait. the sole light coming from my computer is creating nasty bags under my eyes, my skin shimmers from the dried sweat that was on my forehead and cheeks, and my hair appears to be an untamed mess, (one severely unruly curl raking across my collar bone). Quite a scary sight, coming from a commercial fashion photographer, one might observe. I've never actually liked looking at myself, I don't actually think most women do, but its odd to sit and contemplate how I want to portray my features and what I want to say about myself. What lighting will I use, what will it say? Will I be styled or should I look like I just came out of a hot car all day? Will it be a portrait of the summary of my life, or the brief clip of who I am becoming? If only I could do a rear movement with a borrowed 4x5 and use the mirror (I think back to Duncan's studio class). Perhaps if I summon the Photo fairy, leave some lens caps under my pillow, and want it bad enough, the answer might come to me in my sleep...
Maine is so beautiful. I've heard it was, people have told me that it is, but I never guessed what a calming, yet determined pace there was about the small cities surrounding Rockport. So far along this trip I've only been able to write about what will happen, the suspense was worse enough to experience, let alone write about. I think that's why I'm so happy to write about my experience tonight. Tonight I got to check in, send my parents off, and get settled in before heading over to the campus for dinner. Dinner was excellent by the way, haddock, tortellinis, beef, potatoes, mixed berry shortcake, oh and plenty of beer and wine. :) I had no idea that I actually wasn't going to go hungry (there are bbq ribs for lunch tomorrow!)... Already I'm meeting some pretty interesting people. There are people from all walks of life here to find something. I'm sure its different for everyone.
I met Joyce tonight. In a short couple sentences we were to explain why we are here. Me, thankful to be near the end, panicked as I thought of why I was here. I tried to remember what was in my essay when I applied for the scholarship, why Joyce, and why Maine. Aborting that train wreck, I instead thought of what I felt I was missing. What made my work incomplete-what made me incomplete? I think the biggest problem in my work is that it lacks a certain sincerity. I think people can see how hard I try, which is a double edge sword in itself, but also that the people I photograph lack a sense of purpose and direction. I think that's what is missing from the majority of my film at least. Working with new models will undoubtably be my life for many years, so learning to work with them so they are comfortable enough to bring in that sincerity is so important for me. I am such a control freak when it comes to my shoots that I need to be able to maintain that balance and cordiality and engaged attention to my models. So I suppose that is goal number one for this week; amp up the sincerity. I have no idea if this goal will be accomplished but I am willing to see how far I can get working until I drop finally on Saturday. At least I have another 16+ hr drive home to look forward to sleeping on :), all is well so far as I'm concerned. Let's get started...
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